How do you guard your heart against those things which sting you right to your core?
This isn't a rhetorical question... I'm genuinely curious.
The
last few weeks have been fraught with woman after woman in my life
talking about their pregnancies or their (now multiple) children.
I
had gotten to a point where these things didn't seem to bother me that
much. I brushed it off and was really embracing the idea that God has a
plan for my life.
But just within the last week, maybe two, that reassurance has started to become a slightly bad taste in my mouth.
It's not that I don't know that God has a plan, but how do I protect my heart in the meantime?
How do I not let it bother me that the girl whose wedding dress I made last winter for her wedding
this past January is now
seven months pregnant?
How do I gracefully bite my tongue when a different sweet friend tells me how hard it was to try for
seven whole months before they were able to conceive?
How can I rejoice with them while not letting the bitterness just well up within my soul?
I don't want to be bitter.
I don't want to worry about the future.
I don't want to spiral into that place again... I can't.
I look at those woman who are being blessed with a new little life and I feel jealous.
Really jealous.
I know too that I can only
see their blessings, but I can't see the struggles that they are
hiding. I don't see the things in their life that are causing them to
fall on their faces before God.
So I will cling to those
things which I have been given in abundance. I will pray for my sisters
in Christ... that God will lighten their burdens. And I will
pray that He lifts mine as well.
I am thankful that I
have a God who will listen to me cry out in anguish over the same things
that He has reassured me over so many times in the past.
I am thankful that I have a family who is willing to remind me that I have so many wonderful blessings that I do get to enjoy.
I
am thankful that I have a husband who truly loves me. A man who is sweet enough to let me cry as we walked to the car leaving church and not make a big deal about it, all because the
baby in the row in front of us reached out his little arms for my mom
(who he didn't know) and I was overcome with the idea that I haven't
given her any grandchildren yet...
I am thankful for
God's word. His promises to us. To me... Thank you Lord for being a
constant in this world of doubt and worry.
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