Linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday, join us!
Today has been an emotional day on a lot of levels. And though I never grew up feeling like I didn't belong, I'm feeling that way now.
I have talked about this before, this childlessness issue. It seems boring to some, others want to roll their eyes at me and tell me how lucky I am to have a few more years without kids.
A few more years without crayon marked walls and broken dishes. I hear how I should be enjoying my 8 hours of sleep a night and all this alone time with my husband.
And I do enjoy it. I love it. But I don't feel like this is where I belong.
There is a sisterhood that I long to join. A brightly lit window on a dark night that displays these beautiful, strong women sitting around a kitchen table, swapping stories about their lives. A window that I have my face pressed up against so hard that it's starting to bruise.
And I don't belong there either. But I so desperately want to.
Oh how I long to step through that doorway and into the kitchen of mommyhood. I want to share stories of my first birth and how I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I want to ask advice from older mommies about how they got through teething or what butt cream works the best.
It seems so silly to write those things out, but it's a sisterhood that I can't wait to belong to.
Lord, be with me, and all those on this same path. Help us to find each other and form our own sisterhood in the waiting. You have already granted me so much comfort that it seems selfish to ask for more. But I am asking, Father. Be gentle with Your child as I wait for You to grant me mine.
I am thankful for the relationships that have formed through this waiting.
I am thankful for the comfort that God gives me daily.
I am thankful that He never tires of me asking for more strength, patience, wisdom, courage, peace...
Please, share with me your thanksgiving...
Hugs to you friend! <3 The waiting is not an easy part. I do have two sweet little girls, but it seems to be a waiting game now after my miscarriage. It hurts. Especially watching all of my friends having babies. You are stuck in kind of an in between season, and it seems like you won't get out for a long while. But in a way, you are in a kind of sisterhood now. It's not the one you want...I don't know any who would want to be in the "waiting" sisterhood, but know that there are others here for you. <3 I pray you get to experience mommahood soon. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage Ashley. I know the pain of watching friend after friend get pregnant with apparent ease. Not that you aren't thrilled for them! But it does sting a little bit more each time.
DeleteI am thankful to not be the only one in this sisterhood of waiting.... Though if I could take it all on myself and ease the pain of those who have been hurting for so long, I just might.
I hope we all break out soon! :-)
Thanks so much for stopping by and give those girls an extra squeeze for me!!
This. This is such a hard place to stand. I stood there with you for three years, and now a little, even with a beautiful baby boy. I've had two miscarriages, and the 'watching friend after friend get pregnant with apparent ease' stings right to my heart. You wrote this with such grace, and while I don't know your story {as I'm just getting to know you} I will pray for His plan to settle into your heart with peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your prayers Anna, I truly cherish them.
DeleteAnd your baby boy IS beautiful, looks just like his mama! :-)
I've realized today through some of the private messages and emails that I've been getting, that it's time to share my story. That wasn't really the point of this blog, but I think it's needed. I'm going to work on it this weekend and post it on Monday. I hope you'll come back and share your thoughts on my situation!
I am so glad to be getting to know you as well. Thank you so much for stopping by. <3
I pray that the Lord will answer your prayer for mommyhood. I hear this deep longing in your heart...to be part of this special group to have those moments to recount and those precious souls to call yours. thank you for sharing on FMF
ReplyDeleteThank you for your prayers. I'm so glad you had a chance to stop by :-)
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ReplyDeleteWhat can I say? Who would have thought, all those years ago, that two childhood friends would be walking a similar path?
ReplyDeleteI know there are no words to share that will remove even a little bit of the sting.
Murray and I pray for you and Jason. . .
There are days when I am SO glad that we are here together... and that thought is followed by the sadness that we are here together. I pray for her way more than I pray for myself, so I appreciate your prayers on my behalf! I will take all the prayers I can get!
DeleteVictoria, I had no idea. I love you. Praying for a miracle.
ReplyDeleteThank you sweet lady. I've kept it bottled up for many years and am only just now letting it out, drop by drop. Monday I'm going to have a post with our story/situation.
DeleteThank you for your prayers. You have always been such an inspiration to me! I love you too and I am so glad we are still in touch!