Day 61 - Lonely {Five Minute Friday}

 Linking up with Lisa Jo Baker for Five Minute Friday.

Rules: Write for five minutes straight. No editing, no second thoughts. Just write and link up! Here we go!

Start.

Lonely.

That's not really a word that I associate with at a glance.

I have a happy family life, a wonderful marriage, a few but fierce set of friends. For the most part, I don't think I've ever really been lonely.

For the most part...

Last year I had a pretty emotional year as I dealt with the realization that I was childless. I know that sounds odd. Of course I knew that I didn't have children, but I didn't realize that I had some severe emotional turmoil that went along with that fact.

Getting through that part of my life was nothing sort of miraculous and I am in awe of God's graciousness each day.

But during that time, I isolated myself. I didn't want anyone to be near me because I was afraid they might figure out what was going on inside my heart.

I didn't want to hear their words of wisdom and intended comfort. 

I didn't want to hear how this person or that had overcome their struggles with childlessness.

I didn't want to hear that they were praying for me.

I was so selfish. And I was lonely. 

I refused to let anyone into my heart in a vain attempt to protect myself. When all that did was make matters worse.

It wasn't until I opened up to those around me that I started to feel less isolated. It wasn't until I opened myself up to God that I truly started to heal.

Lonely. I'm glad I don't recognize that word anymore.

Stop.

Have you ever been lonely? Are you lonely now? How are you/did you deal with it?

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Day 60 - Where My Focus Should Be

Pulling into the driveway of a house I'd never been to before, I felt the butterflies flutter around in my stomach.

It's the ninth house I've looked at in less than a month. Five of those houses we've put bids on. And we've lost them all.

So many thoughts rush through my mind...

It's on a cul-de-sac, I like that.

I like the landscaping in the front yard.

I wish I wasn't seeing this house alone.

Did I write down the time wrong? Where is my agent?

I really hope this is the one.

God, help me to keep my hopes under control. I don't want them to be dashed again.

After ten minutes of waiting, my agents pulls up and we walk to the front door. Several minutes of fiddling with the lock box and we're finally in.

It's a small house and it doesn't take me long to to a thorough walk-through.

I hear myself tell her that I'd like to put a bid on the house and she says she will submit it right away... but on the inside I'm doing my best to remain detached.

Forty-five minutes later, I am back home and doing my best to put the issue out of my mind. It's difficult, but I know there are more important things to focus on.

A verse comes into my mind and I remember where my true focus should be.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. 

Psalm 37:4
 

I am thankful that God is in control.

I am thankful that I can focus on Him and He will sort out all the details that I am tempted to worry about.

I am thankful that God gives me the mental and emotional strength to deal with the ups and downs of this house hunting experience!

How long did you have to look before buying your first home? How did you get through the process?

Linking up with A Royal Daughter for {Desire to Inspire}.

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Day 59 - Neat and Tidy

I sit at my desk, staring at a jumble of papers, games, pencils, and glue sticks. The whole room is covered in piles of "stuff" that needs to be sorted through and put away.

Furniture lines the walls; tables, chairs, cubby shelves, filing cabinets... and nothing seems to make sense.

In the back of my mind I know that in just a few short days this classroom will be filled with big personalities in little bodies, but I try not to let it overwhelm me.

My mind is racing with ideas for how to arrange and organize everything; a hundred different ideas at once... It almost keeps me from getting anything done.

K-Love plays Christian music from my iPhone in the background and I try my best to focus.

Ok, move this table...

Alright, these papers should go there...

Oh look! A pencil bucket, I can put that here...

And on and on it goes for hours on end. Though the day is ending, the task it not complete... So back I'll go tomorrow.

I am thankful for uplifting Christian music that kept me motivated and centered amongst the chaos today.

I am thankful for the large trash bags that were filled to the brim with unnecessary items.

I am thankful for the help of friends and family as the school year is flying towards us.

Do you have family heading back to school soon? Are you ready?

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Day 58 - Tiny Tuesday

There are so many huge things in my life that I am so thankful for, but I don't want to forget the littlest things that God has blessed me with.

I am thankful for a perfectly timed text of encouragement from a friend. 

I am thankful for cleansing tears on a rough day.

I am thankful for the bible verse that pops into my mind as if God Himself is speaking words of inspiration directly into my heart.

What are you tiny thanks for today?

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Day 57 - Manic Monday

Whew! What a day!

So many things going on and emotions swirling. Five different people that I needed to help, hours of work at my school, and so much to do.

Two classrooms shampooed, one classroom reorganized, and one broken cabinet later, I am finally home.

I am thankful for my brother who came up on a moments notice to clean the carpets in my room so that I could get to work.

I am thankful that my dad came up to look at the broken cabinet (and said he could fix it!).

I am thankful for my husband who had dinner ready when I came up. What a blessing he is to me. Thank you God for my wonderful marriage!

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